I want to start out today stating this post is not about what I did, but rather about the struggle. It would be so easy to make it about look at me, look at what I did, but I don't want that. I honestly don't. I want people to realize I struggle to, just like everyone does. I am not better than the next guy. I am a sinner that God still has to deal with.
My work has this program set up that if someone believes you have done an excelent job or gone beyond what is required they can request that you be recognized with a giftcard. I didn't find out about the program till a couple months back when one of the coworkers I work with submitted my name and then later gave me a form to complete to get a gift card of my choice. It was a blessing at the time, but I can't even remember what I spent the money on now.
Anyway, a similar situation happened to me today. However the company is also working on a fundraiser for United Way. If you are unfamiliar with United Way it is an oraganization that helps a lot of people. I wanted to say they fed people, but they do so much more than just provide food for people to eat. It really is a great organization. For the fundraiser they are putting together items to auction off as "baskets" to try and raise a substantial amount for United Way.
When I found out I was going to be getting another gift card, I was thrilled. I immediately began thinking about how the extra would help and what I could use it towards to make my life a little bit easier. Then it hit me. "This money is not yours." I wanted the money and tried and tried to justify why I should be able to keep the money. I wanted to, but I couldn't shake the thought that I should donate it.
After thinking about it for a while, I began to think back to some of the struggles I have been having lately. How my mentality can easily be shifted to only thinking about me and my wants. I think God was using it as an opportunity to say, "Check yourself, your letting something get in the way of our relationship and what I have for you." That is when I realized, If I had to put that much thought into it, then it was taking away from my relationship with God. I had to donate it. I had to give up what had so quickly gotten in the way of the bigger picture in my life.
I was listening to "Blue Like Jazz," again this morning when I heard something I hadn't heard before. Don said something to the effect of, "One of Satan's biggest tricks is to get us distracted. That is why religion can be such a detriment to our lives. It distracts us from who God really is." I have to admit, I was distracted. I began to lose sight of what was important.